Yesterday, I said no to a hug request from Bea. What kind of a mother does that, you may ask?
Let me rewind to the beginning.
It was just after her evening bath and she was looking for her comb. She found this:
but was looking for this:
which was not in the bathroom and I said, it was probably outside in the living room. I added that, I had already reminded her more than 3 times to keep the comb back to its right place 2 days ago and I wouldn’t be surprised if it were lost.
So she went outside, did a cursory glance and promptly burst into tears. It took me by surprise.
M: Why are you crying? Did you look for it?
B: (Brawl, brawl, brawl)
M: Did you look for it in your accessories drawer?
I pulled out the drawer and saw the comb lying there.
M: Hey, it’s in here.
B: Brawl, brawl, brawl.
B takes out the comb and continues to brawl.
M: Why are you crying? You didn’t even look for it properly and you start crying?!!
B: Brawl, brawl, brawl..
M: I don’t understand. Tell me, why are you crying?
B: Brawl, brawl, brawl
M: Ok, if you want to continue crying like this, you better do it in the toilet because it’s really noisy.
I take her by the hand and lead her to the toilet.
M: When you feel that you can stop crying you can come out.
We are in the toilet for less than 30 seconds.
B mumbles through her sobs: I am not crying now
She gets a tissue and wipes her eyes and with her glistening tear filled eyes says, “Can we hug?”
M: Why do you need a hug? You made yourself all upset over a comb. You didn’t even look for it and you started crying. It’s not like you lost your dog while walking down the road. You better calm yourself down. Go and hug your bolster and cool yourself under the fan and think about what I just said.
Ok – so I was the Monster Mama. Actually I felt really bad not hugging her but by hugging, what would I be saying – it’s alright to have a meltdown over something that you created yourself?She is not a 2 year old anymore. At 6 years old, she had better learn that brawling over a situation that she herself could have averted is not acceptable. I know exactly what happens to children who think they are the centre of the universe – they grow up to be adults who think the sun and the moon revolves around them and everyone suffers – they themselves, their spouse, their children.
Better me be the monster now than to create a monster.
PS: An hour later… I ask her – would you like a cuddle? We both have a nice cuddle on the bed before her nightly reading with Daddy.